All clean!

Welcome Lucy!

So we went to the Humane Sociecty and got Roy another friend to play with. It's not Archie and we'll miss him lots. Leroy purred when he saw her. Cats are supposed to hiss. She's super friendly and her and Jack will pass a ball back and forth. Jack is pretty curious about this new kitten and she's equally curious of him. He's the first cat that has actually come up to Jack! :)

Good Thing About Kids...

Cheesy shirts!

We Will Miss You Archie

On Sunday, October 21st, Jack was scheduled to be baptized. About two hours before we walked into the bedroom to find Archie Arch laying on the floor yelping in pain. We immediately left to go to the emergency vet. Archie had a mass on his liver and was in a lot of pain. We didn't know about the mass. The first time I felt it was when I picked him up that morning. That was also the first time I noticed how light he felt. Now, Arch is around ALL the time and the previous had been begging for turkey or chicken or tuna everytime we opened the fridge. Also he usually comes and lays on us - so maybe that's why we didn't notice that he lost 6 lbs. 6 lbs since March. We felt horrible. I'd lift Jack and Archie who weighed about the same when we brought Jack home - both 18 lbs. As the summer went on, I thought Jack was gaining weight and that's why he felt heavier than Archie. Anyway, we had to put Archie to sleep. He was in so much pain. They said that cat oncologists could help sustain his life for maybe another year. We rescheduled the baptism for November 4th. Leroy is so sad. He is hiding under the bed and won't come out. We'll all miss you Archie.

All Dressed Up

Here he is - all dressed up for daycare! Erik dressed him this particular morning and Jack made it to daycare very clean and looking good.

 

Dad - not so much!

 

At about 11, Erik reached to scratch his head and smelled something a little funny.... Come to find out, he actually brought a little something extra of Jack's to work on the back of the sleeve of his workshirt! Gross! Good thing everyone is clean now....sorry to everyone in the cubes next to him this day. :)

 

Last but not least, here is an interesting article in Russia Today about orphans in Russia and what Grandmothers are doing to try and help them:

 

http://www.russiatoday.ru/features/news/15433

 

 

Jen

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Stripes

Why Do Men Think They Can Fix Everything With Tape?

Here is Jack's favorite toy:

Here is the drum that is still Jack's favorite toy even after Erik "fixed" it:

(Apparantly, Jack banged it on the wood floor one too many times...:) )

What a Summer!

It's almost time for me to go back to work. (a week from Monday) Wow! Time flies! What a summer we've had. Erik and I were talking of all of the things we've learned this summer about being parents. Here's our top 10 list. (Thanks, Dave. :) )

10. No matter how well you THINK you've cleaned your child, once you get out in public, you will ALWAYS notice something you missed - maybe lasagna in an ear or even yogurt smeared in his hair.

9. Baby poop comes in a RAINBOW of unimaginable colors and consistencies.

8. Speaking of that subject, it's amazing how someone else's poop schedule can affect your daily schedule in such a profound way.

7. Cats will eat hot dogs if they are cut up and thrown on the floor.

6. We left half of our brain cells in Russia. I can go to a meeting, forget to bring paper and a pencil to take notes with, but still have a pacifier and a Little Swimmer in my school/work bag.

5. You can buy a baby all kinds of fancy toys, but it doesn't mean he will play with them. Outlets (even those covered), remotes, an open dishwasher, cell phones, that little springy doorstop thing, or even a plastic bowl will always be more fun.

4. No matter how well you vacuum the floor, your child will always find that one little piece of fossilized cheese from weeks ago and eat it.

3. Babies never get tired of "Daddy Rides".

2. Without warning, babies think it's perfectly okay to give off an ear piercing, startling, scare-all-the-old-people, happy squeal even in the quietest of public places.

1. That three months later we would "graduate" from feeling like Aunt Mom and Uncle Dad to just "Mama" and "Dada."

Things Are About to Change Around Here!

Still Happy!

Make that FIVE!

Guess Who Can Take THREE Steps!

Continued Progress

Last week Erik and I went on a little vacation. His work pays for a trip out east and wives are encouraged to come. Since his work has been so great about giving him time off to go to Russia and time off afterwards, we thought it important that I go. I was very hesitant in doing so because of the bonding process, but Erik did just start this job the second week of May and so we need to make a good impression there too. He left for Russia after only two weeks of being there - and they gave him paid time off. We are lucky they have been so family-oriented.

Jack stayed with Nana Joyce and Papa Mike two nights and then with his Oma Ingrid two nights. Split equally! :) I was really nervous about leaving him and was afraid he would forget us, but as it turned out when we picked him up on Friday we were greeted with a big smile! Even though we really missed him, it turned out to be good for everyone as Jack bonded with his grandparents and Erik and I could have some time together.

Also we are finally seeing this week that Jack has, in fact, bonded to us. We went to the grocery store and as we walked in a cashier said, "Oh how handsome! Can he have a sucker? Is he too young?" I replied that he was too young and gets all sticky. As we were checking out this nice lady came back and tried to talk to him and Jack turned to reach for me to protect him. :) (She got really close; :) ) I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is. He sees me as someone he can trust and as someone who will protect him. He no longer is going to just any adult.

This week we were also at a playgroup. This is the second time we've been with this group of kids/adults. The first time he went around to many adults and begged for food or would let them play with him. This time, this week, he only wanted ME! :) He only came to me for food or to be picked up. He does the same with Erik and it's so nice to see and it helps us really feel like his mom and dad. We are now this baby's preferred "go to" people! How cool is that??! :)

It's been amazing since watching him learn all kinds of things. He knows how to kiss and hug. He can do "jazz hands" which is really funny. He did it in the car to "Copacabana". He can stand for about 10 seconds and took his first step yesterday. He's just amazing to watch!

Because of all of this, even though we haven't sold the house just yet, we've decided that I'm going to wait to go back to work until October 1st. Financially this was a tough decision to make, but I'm just not ready to let someone else care for him a majority of his day. I'm not sure I'll be ready in October either, but at least we'll have an extra month of MOM time under our belts!

Playing With Noah's Ark

Good News!

The adoption agency reimbursed us for our last minute tickets! This is such a relief! We talked to the director of the agency last week and she agreed to cut us a check for the full amount! Cashed it yesterday. :)

Sometimes You'll Do Anything

To Entertain a Baby! Halloween came early for Erik this year upon my return from the grocery store. Every time Jack laughed Erik called him a weirdo. Yep,JACK is the weirdo.

Cookie: 99 Cents. Smile: Priceless.

Baba, Nana, Mama, Dada…all words Jack can say now. Mama is still food. Dada is still both of us. Nana and Baba…he can repeat. He’s making more sounds. But the biggest deal this week has to do with his UNDERSTANDING of words. His understanding of English has improved so much! I knew something was missing, but I couldn’t put my finger on it…. We’d talk to Jack and he’d look at us and he’d smile if we DID something goofy…but still I felt like there was something missing. Then Monday it all came together....

We were coming home from the mall and with the forward facing car seat, he now falls asleep during all rides over 15 minutes. This was a 20 minute ride and I’ve learned that falling asleep in a car seat can equal NO NAP and lots of crying the rest of the day. He won’t fall asleep in his crib if he sleeps in the car seat. Even if he just sleeps in the seat for 10 minutes or so - no nap. So in the mall, I kept thinking, “What can I do so he doesn’t fall asleep on the ride home?” Then I thought, “Food! Jack loves food!” And I know this won’t win me any mother of the year awards, but listen, I needed food that would entertain, food that is tasty, food that will keep him awake the whole ride home and would allow him to take his nap that afternoon and allow ME to take a nap that afternoon. He's fallen asleep with goldfish in his mouth. I needed something better than goldfish. Better than Cheerios. So I bought him a cookie. And you know what - the cookie worked! He savored that cookie the entire ride home and never fell asleep. At one point, I turned to the backseat to look at him when stopped at a light. I said, “Jack, isn’t that GOOD?!” Jack gave me the biggest smile. Then it occurred to me, this was the first time he smiled, not because of something I did, but because of something I SAID. He was understanding ENGLISH. And that was the best feeling! So worth the cookie. We’ve said “Isn’t the good?” about everything we’ve fed him. Just a habit, I guess… We’ve said it about peas, bananas, chicken, everything. He finally understands what we're saying and that cookie WAS good - for BOTH of us! :)

The rest of the week we noticed other words he now knows too. For instance, I’d say “look” and his head would turn or I’d say “blah, blah, CLAP, blah, blah” and he’d clap. I didn’t have to demonstrate. Once I said, “Smile for mama.” And he did…I got a giant smile!

We're understanding each other! How awesome! How fun!

HELP!

Walking Around with My Oma

I Love Dada!

Hugs

This past week Jack has discovered he likes hugs - even sharing one with Elmo.

Son, Someday This Lawn Will All Be Yours!

Now Listen, I Don't Know About You - But I Love Baths

I'm Serious About This, You Know - I Really Do.

It's Over Already? I Could Do This All Night!

CAN I GO BACK IN?

The Italian, The Movie

picture: Sony Classic/The Italian Website

Tonight we finally had the opportunity to rent "The Italian". It's a movie about a six year old Russian orphan who is about to be adopted by an Italian couple. The boy, Vanya, runs away from the orphanage after taking papers from his file to go and find his birth mother. He does this after another boy tells Vanya if he ever changes his last name, his mother will never be able to find him.

It's an interesting movie and one we included a link to at the right. The backdrop of the movie is pretty accurate - at least compared to what we saw while there. We watched remembering those minty green walls, the roads full of potholes, the cold, and the women wearing short skirts and tall heels even though it was freezing. Another interesting note is the movie takes place during the same time of year we went to Russia. It looks as if the Italian couple make their first trip in late winter and then return in late spring.

While most of the set of the movie was extremely accurate compared to what we saw while we were in Russia, we are not sure about the actual orphanage. Once children turn four they move out of the 'baby home' which is supposed to be a medical facility and where Jack lived. Once four, children move to an educational facility and this is where Vanya lived. We wonder if this is not unlike the orphanage Jack's birthmother grew up in.

The movie does a good job describing all of the social layers and complexities that exist - all of the orphans...the new mothers who give up their babies every day. In our experience, it is also accurate with regard to how people treat each other in Russia. We noticed while we were there that people are much 'gruffer' with each other than here. There is no mincing of words. Rarely are people polite. It's "an every man for himself" attitude - even getting off an airplane. People don't let the row ahead of them go first. Everyone rushes to the middle. People cut in line like crazy. Towards the end of our second trip, we finally just cut in front of the people who cut in front of us at the food stand or in the grocery store... they didn't seem to mind....it's just how it is.

In the movie children smoke - we did not see that, but we did see a child who looked to be about 9 pull a pint of vodka out of his coat pocket while playing soccer in Moscow.

What the movie DID do is make us think about Jack's mom. In the beginning there is a birthmother who longs for her child that she abandoned a few years before. She arrives too late - after he has been adopted. For the first time, I really thought about Jack's birthmother and what she could be going through. I wonder if she thinks of him. I wonder if she longs for him. I wonder if she'll ever try to get him back - she can't, but I wonder if she'll ever try. What would she think if she knew her son is living in America?

The orphanage in the movie made us wonder if that was what her life was like for 18 years. She was four when the Soviet Union was dissolved. I don't know if foreign adoptions took place before that. We think it was probably unlikely and people aren't as likely to adopt a child that is four, five, six, ten - an older child. Did she ever really have a chance? We were told she lived in a clean apartment, but the apartments in the movie are nothing like what we have here. And the older teenage kids at the orphanage - what kind of life will they have when they get out? Perhaps it was very brave for her to give up Jack. Perhaps that's just me making excuses to make myself feel better. Who knows what the situation really was for her. I can't imagine how she feels, but I bet she thought about him on his birthday and then again on the 28th of the June - the day she decided to put him up for adoption. I thought of her on those days. For the first time, I see how important it is to include Jack's birthmother in his lifestory. He needs to know what we know. It's part of his identity. I haven't shared it all here (for his privacy) and we are lucky to know so much. If he wants to contact her, he can try. If he wants a picture, we have that too.

The movie also made us wonder about his birthfather for the first time. For the first time, I also COMPLETELY understood why the doctor in the U.S. was SO positive about Jack's health when she found out his birthmother was young and he was her first. I can totally see how being the second, third, fourth pregnancy may cause issue for health concerns. How depressing to have to keep giving up your children. Why would you even care what you do when you are pregnant if you know they are not yours to keep? I don't think I would be in my right mind thinking of long term effects and what not.

As the credits rolled, we looked at each other and said, "Five minutes ago we thought this was a good movie." The ending was contrived for the Russian public and was clearly a statement regarding foreign adoptions, but that didn't really matter - again it was the middle that mattered....the struggle of the people in Russia, the attitudes, the landscape, that allowed us to really think about things - in the comfort of our own home...it also made us feel really lucky to have Jack and to have had so few problems in our own lives, in our country....

So Happy the Cats Came to Say Hi!

Getting Closer to Both

Almost Friends?

It's the Little Things that Make a Difference

Like a forward facing car seat....having a whole month go by to get to know each other....

A month ago today we came home. Things are good. Jack is still doing really well. We're letting him bond with grandparents now - we feel like he knows who we are. Yesterday I put him down for nap and I heard him saying, "Da Daa! Da Daaa!" So I went over to see what he was looking at and he had his little album that we left the first time we met him at the orphanage. He was looking at a picture of Erik. :) We both get big smiles when he hasn't seen us for a little while...when I'm at the gym or Erik is at work....something he doesn't do for everyone. He's happy to see us. He sighs a "happy sigh" whenever we pull in the driveway.

There are so many little things that he's learned this month and that we've learned about him. A few minutes ago he held his own bottle for the first time, he helps get himself out of the straps of the car seat, can stand for a few seconds, and he's familiar with so many new foods that aren't so new anymore. I think back to a month ago and it's through all of the little things that we've learned about him that have helped us bond to him. I used to get anxiety whenever I'd hear him cry. Now I know the difference between the "I'm annoyed" cry and "I'm tired" cry versus him being really hurt. Now when I hear the "eh eh ehh" over the monitor I just think, "just wait two minutes -he'll be back asleep." And he does. Moms know these things about their kids. :) Also, he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night anymore either - he really seems to know where he is. He's doing great sleeping by himself. I went to wake him up yesterday from a nap and found him just sitting up in his crib smiling looking around his new room.

One of the most fun parts for me has been watching Erik learn about babies. Erik has only held one baby (my nephew) and that was because we made him hold him. :) Erik was always afraid of babies. He said he dropped a video camera once and has been afraid to hold valuable things since! Erik has gotten so comfortable with Jack. It's fun to watch the Daddy-Jack time they have whenever Erik comes home from work. Jack gets to fly around the house (with the help of Erik) and really have a chance at catching Archie or he gets to go on the "Demon Drop" (like Cedar Point). Jack loves to bounce and fall and fly and have his stomach drop. He's really attaching to Erik. It's good to see. He's also testing Erik which is funny for me to watch. It's interesting because he doesn't do this with me yet. When Erik feeds him there's a lot of dropping of food on the floor and then watching for dad's reaction and then when dad picks it up, Jack throws more food at Erik. It's hard for me not to laugh, I have to go in the other room. I'm letting them work out that power struggle by themselves.

It's amazing how a baby can make everything seem better. Even when things are tough, he can lighten everyone's mood just by being here. Today has been a sad day - Erik's grandma is not doing so well. She told me a couple of years ago that she would be around until Erik had a baby. I took Jack to meet his great grandma, perhaps for the only time and to help his grandma get through today. She lit up when she saw Jack. Erik lit up when he saw Jack. Something about just watching a baby play that makes things a little better.

And things continue to get easier and better...:)I finally feel relaxed around him this week and I finally feel like it's really summer and realize that I'm not working. I'm hoping we sell our house soon so that I can stay home an extra month in the fall and have some extra time to just be a "normal" family who didn't just get home from Russia. Just a normal family having fun in the summer...with one house...

Lastly, we're still waiting to actually speak with someone at the Adoption Associates who can actually reimburse us for those last minute tickets we had to purchase in Moscow. The director of the agency called us at the end of the day on Friday to tell us she could speak with us on the 17th. She wants us to go all the way to Jenison to meet, but we don't want to do that. Erik started his job about two weeks before we left for Russia and has used much of his vacation time. In addition we'd have to leave Jack with somebody for the day. The director won't come to Farmington Hills where we initally had a consultant. We'll see what happens with the phone call next week. We've had to talk a lawyer and we've written the news stations. We had one of the stations write us back and ask for more information so we sent them more detail of what happened...we are determined to get that money back.

I Don't Mind My Car Seat So Much This Way

Push me, Dada!

Immunizations make babies crabby, right? Really crabby, right? I think I heard that somewhere... For the next 33 hours (yep, we counted the hours) after the doctor he was like a different kid. An EXTREMELY ornary kid. At the grocery store Erik was looking for us and when he found us all he could say was, "My God! You mean THAT NOISE was OUR baby?" Yep. Our Baby. It was the shots though, right??

Today, Happy Jack was back. (phew) And he REACHED for Erik to pick him up when my parents stopped over. I know. I know - that doesn't seem like a big deal, but in the world of attachment, it is a very good sign! :)

Congratulations, dada....one month ago today!

Article about Kotlas

Just wanted to quickly share an interesting article about Jack's birth city, Kotlas.

http://morningsentinel.mainetoday.com/news/local/4036394.html
Also I've included some links (on the right side) to other information regarding different subjects such as: adopting from Russia, the process, how much it costs, bonding, attachment, lifebooks, etc. Some of the links answer questions you've asked, some are just links that we are personally finding helpful right now.

Good News!

The good news for the day is we went to the doctor and all of Jack's tests have come back as normal! We are seeing a pediatrician that is very familiar with international adoptions. Poor Jack had to get three vials of blood drawn last week....poor mom had to collect 6 vials for a stool sample....dad collected some urine....:) Anyway, he needed to be tested for lead, TB, STDs, proteins, parasites, etc. and it all came back good! That is a weight lifted off! :)




The doctor also asked how he was doing with regards to bonding and I told her that I think he's doing well. (Erik and I finally did go see that movie btw, and I know he had fun at Oma's, but was happy to see us when we got back. He only wanted us to hold him once we came back - good sign - maybe there's another movie in our future?) She also said that she was impressed with his eye contact and that he liked to be touched. She said that she's worked with quite a few children adopted from Russia and that many of them have sensory issues. We are lucky that Jack doesn't seem to have any problems so far. He's cautious at first, yet very social.

He's also gained a pound putting him at about 15% on the growth chart. He loves all the food we've introduced so far (except peaches) and we've found that none of the allergies they told us he had in Russia hold true. (or else he grew out of them) You may remember they said he's allergic to milk, chicken but not turkey, juice from green apples but not red, etc. Because of all of his allergies, they were only feeding him porridge, ground beef mixed with instant potatoes and water, one bottle of formula a day, and drinkable yogurt 3-4 times per week at the orphanage. The pediatrician said that this is also common for children she's treated from Russia - the allergies just aren't there or else they've grown out of them.

Anyway, he's doing so well developmentally for being institutionalized his first year of life that she was wondering if he is perhaps a month or two older than they said. We have his birth certificate, but I guess it's possible. Any of my friends and my sister who have seen him, say he is doing what their boys have done at the same age.

I'm just amazed and happy that things have turned out okay. Last October we had to go to a "Risks" meeting to go over the risks of adopting internationally. What a scary meeting. I couldn't sleep after that meeting. They talked about the strong possibility of fetal alcohol, various diseases, delays, kids not attaching, major behavior issues, all kinds of things. It almost scared us away from going forward...

Glad we followed our guts and took the plunge! :)Maybe we'll do it again...:)

Having Fun With My Cousin!

Lunch with Mom at the Gym

Someone Else Has Been Craving Attention Since Jack Arrived

First Birthday

Pictures:
http://www1.snapfish.com/share/p=262301183266990744/l=275595690/g=33645708/otsc=SYE/otsi=SALB

So, Why is it Cool to Gel My Hair on My Birthday, Dad?

Jack had his first birthday party yesterday. Jen made two cakes for him (one just for him to mess up) and he ate most of the frosting and bit into the cake like a dog. It was pretty funny and he needed a bath because he had frosting everywhere. It was nice having the family there to help him celebrate. Even in the short time that we’ve had him, I think I’ve noticed him get bigger. I feed him breakfast and he can take down about 360 calories. That’s pretty impressive. He’s really good in the morning and I enjoy this time with him. I think he has gotten stronger as well. Erik

Time to Baby Proof!

It's the Middle that Counts

We’re all still getting to know each other and every day things get better. We are learning his personality and that makes things much easier. We understand the different cries and what he needs. Jack is making eye contact with everyone and is such a social baby. He watches everything.

There are also more signs that he is attaching to us. I needed to go the dentist on Thursday and so needed to drop him off his grandma and grandpa's for about a half hour. He was fine while I was gone, but after I got back, he'd get fussy if I left the room to get something to drink or go to the bathroom. He didn't want me to go anywhere again. That's a good sign. He also loves playing with Erik and sitting with him. Things have been going so well, that Erik and I are going to try and see a movie on Sunday afternoon. He's going to hang out with his other Oma. (Grandma in German)

Also, I appreciate everyone who wrote to us regarding the “attaching” post. It was good to see that I was normal about the attachment process and that it's hard even for people who actually give birth. At times, it’s been difficult, especially at the end of last week - hence no posts. We’ve wanted a baby for so long and just kind of figured that once we brought him home it would all be good. We’d be happy. Truth is it’s a huge adjustment, even with the best baby. I found myself feeling bad wishing I had more time with Erik or by myself. I know it’s not a politically correct thing to say that I didn’t just instantly feel like a mother, but it's true. It takes time. The good news is Erik and I are so much further ahead (in our minds) than we were that night in Moscow when Jack was screaming. I remember Erik and I asking each other, "Is this really what we're supposed to do forever?" But that was just a bad day. Things are much better now. Erik and I are starting to call dibs on who gets to wake him up now, stuff like that…we're excited to wake him up in the morning and spend time with him, but there are still moments. Erik keeps reminding me that we are still just beginning. He keeps saying, "Beginnings are always scary. Endings are always sad. It's the middle that counts. Just relax and take things day by day."

Jack's presence has also drawn attention to Fritz's absence (Erik's dad). Another sad ending that is still too new. That has made us sad these past couple of days. Having his first birthday without Fritz was hard. But when we're sad about that we just have to look up at Jack who is usually doing something cute or funny and that makes things easier. Last night we went out to dinner for sushi and as we left we noticed that Jack has one grain of rice perfectly placed half in and half out of his nose. That made us laugh...and the waitress laugh. Wish I had my camera...

Doctors

One of the interesting things with International adoption is all of the things you need to do once you get home. We’ve spent the last few days gathering documents to get a U.S. birth certificate, U.S. passport (proof of citizenship – currently he has a Green Card – which isn’t green btw, it looks like a driver’s license.  ), and going from doctor to doctor. Next week, we go back to the doctor to see if he’s gained any weight. He feels like he has and he looks longer…. He got his blood drawn Thursday and did awesome. Three vials and didn’t seem to care!  He’s also being tested for parasites because he drank water in a foreign country and his blood is being tested for lead levels, etc. Poor kid has been poked and prodded a lot lately. Yesterday he is has circumcision consult. (Ironically the doctor is Dr. Richard which makes us laugh.)

Jack has been adjusting quite well. He’s a happy little guy. Since he’s moved to his new room, he’s woken up twice during the night. It was a different kind of cry and so I went up after a few minutes. He just needed to be held for a couple of minutes and look around the room and see where he was and then he fell back asleep. I wonder if he’s waking up and expecting to see the other babies from the orphanage.

Happy birthday Jack!

Ma-Ma, Da-Da

We're getting there! Jack has learned to say those two words!! Those two ultra-important, life-changing words - Mama and Dada! Now we just need to get him to understand what the two mean. I was sooo excited the first time he said, "ma-ma." (which is more like "muh-muh") When I was about to give him a bottle yesterday he said "mama". I was excited. Then, I fed him the bottle and he looked up into my eyes, smiled, and said, "Dada." He thinks "ma-ma" is food! He now says it EVERY time WE feed him. And he calls Erik and ME "dada." (LOL) We're definitely still going to work on this....:)

Anyway, our computer likes me today! It's letting me post the entire video we made for Jack to document his homecoming!(The one that includes scenes from the 'delivery room'-ha! ha!)See the top of the right sidebar.

Trip Two Photos

Highlights from trip 2! To view photos, click here:

http://www1.snapfish.com/share/p=716221182559762692/l=274981861/g=33645708/otsc=SYE/otsi=SALB

Attaching

We started this blog because we wanted family and friends to understand what it’s like to adopt. Once we decided we were adopting, we found that there were people who were curious and asked us all kinds of questions. Then there were also people who wanted to ask about it, but were afraid to or didn’t know where to start or what to ask and so they just said nothing. They seemed uneasy around us all of a sudden. We also didn’t want to bombard uninterested people with our story and so we wanted a place where people could go check out what was going on if they wanted to.

Adopting is such a weird way to become a parent. Everyone understands the pregnant way, but the adopted way….well that’s just strange for some people. Throughout our travels today we had two different sets of people tell me how much Jack looked like me. I just smiled – I mean I guess he does, we have the same coloring. But it was the next comment that made me uneasy. After they said he looked like me, they added “You’d never know he was adopted.” I had to bite my lip so I didn’t respond with, “Why? Is that such a bad thing?” Another conversation happened tonight when a woman, whom I just met tonight btw, asked how old Jack was and then some questions that I couldn't answer. I explained that we've only been together for a short time, that we just brought him home from Russia. The lady proceeded to tell me about other people being infertile. Why is it always assumed that adoption is second best or what people resort to only after they can't have their own? Even with regard to work, technically if it wasn't summer vacation, I would've had to go back this past Monday. My time would be up. If I actually gave birth, I'd have an additional 2-4 weeks paid to spend with Jack. How can this be seen as fair?

I’m finding that adoption has a stigma. Maybe people automatically think about the poor baby whose mother gave him up and feel sorry for him. So many people have told us how lucky he is to have us. He is. But we just as lucky, if not luckier to have him. Adoptive parents have the same feelings towards their children as biological parents. I remember the first time I saw him like it was yesterday. I was in my classroom, the class was gone, and myself and another teacher were leaning over my computer. I remember moving the mouse to click on the picture. But once I saw it, I knew. Erik says he did too. Just like biological parents know the moment they first see their child that their child belongs to them.

The biggest difference, I think, is in the bonding process. When you’re pregnant I think you feel your baby moving and start to attach to that little thing inside. It causes you to stay out of harms way, make better choices, stay safe, and eat healthier when you are pregnant. When the baby comes out, you might even recognize some of his or her movements and remember when he or she did that inside of you. I could be wrong, but I think that the bonding process for biological mothers begins during pregnancy. After birth, you are all the baby knows and he looks to you to continue to supply him food, etc. She recognizes you voice, your smell.

With adoptive children, especially those who have lived in an orphanage, they have been fed by many people. Jack had an entire 11 months of life experiences before joining us. Because of this, there are special measures that have to be taken to assure bonding and attachment takes place. These children have been cared for by so many different caregivers, that many of them have trouble forming attachments and this can lead to many behavior issues later in life.

That’s why we’ve been venturing out slowly. The pediatrition yesterday stressed to me again that's it's most important grandparents stay away because they will want the baby to bond with them. They’ll do things like try to feed him and want to walk around holding him. Jack needs to see us as his sole providers. This has been hard for our parents, but we are so happy they are respecting this need that we have. It makes it harder on us too, because unlike biological parents, we cannot have help from our parents. Not now, anyway. Not yet.

I can see Jack is starting to bond with me. He looks for me when I leave the room and just wants to be held or even just lay down together. He’s different than many other kids his age in this way. He can spend an hour just sitting and having Erik or I rub his back. After our day yesterday, he didn’t want to have anything to do with Erik once he came home from work. I know that Erik felt bad, but this was actually a very good thing. His screaming and crying when Erik picked him up and walked away showed he is attaching to me. It shows that Jack IS ABLE to attach. This is important.

I like our little routine we have going. The past two days Erik has fed him breakfast and played with him while I got a little extra sleep. Jack goes back down around 7:30 for his morning nap, so I get up at 8:30 and can relax and have some coffee, get ready for the day, before waking him up at 9:30. Then we eat and play and go to the gym.

I didn’t plan on going to the gym and using the daycare this early, but I think it’s important for both Jack and I. I need a way to deal with the stress of this adjustment and Jack needs to be around other children. He so misses other kids. The moment I walked in there, he saw the kids, the toys and had a big smile on his face. He also needs to know that I can leave for 45 minutes and that I will always come back. He’s only playing with kids, and not bonding with adults during this time. I don’t leave them any bottles or food for them to feed him. We eat before the gym and after the gym. Anyway, it went so well yesterday, that we went back today. He was more than excited to see the other babies – there can be up to three others in his little room. He was equally as excited 45 minutes later when he saw me walk in. I think it worked out well for both of us. Erik and I watched the old video - the one when we first met him tonight. Both of us commented on how that baby - the baby in the video- Alexander (Jack) in the ophanage - the one that we thought was SO happy even at the orphanage looks sad in comparison to how he looks now. We must be doing something right.

So anyway, we do welcome visitors. It makes the adjustment easier to talk to other people. Grandparents, we’re not ready yet. Sorry. We need him to attach to Erik and be sure he’s attached to me for a little while before he can attach to you. You guys will in time be very important in his life, but for now, well you know.

Once we’ve established our routine a few more days, we’re looking to venture out to other people’s houses/different places with others. Let us know when we can come visit or when you can come visit! We ARE looking forward to seeing you!

Also, I haven’t forgotten about getting that other video up. It shows how we started to become a family in a hotel room.

How American Can I Look!?

So I just put little Jack to sleep. Things are going well today. Yesterday, well, it started out a little rough. It was my first day ALONE with him!

Poor Jack woke up teething and with a rash on his butt! The same rash I had on my inner elbow. Right where he sits when I pull him up out of the bath. Who gave it to whom??? Who knows? But I freaked a little thinking it was poison ivy (where he’d get it, who knows…who still thinks grass is creepy!). Anyway, I started to run the bath, set him on the floor, and looked over at this little person with a big smile and puddle surrounding him that was getting bigger and bigger as I starred at him. I guess now we had two reasons for that bath!

The afternoon went much better and I we both made it through. Went to the doctor and Kinkos, the gym and Kroger. Which also made me wonder, will I forever be this nerd who sings as she drives because her baby is crabby? We sang, “Let’s Go Krogering!” the entire time at that the grocery store and then I even made up some song about Kinkos. All I cared about is the baby in the back seat didn’t cry when I sang. So I did! He’s the only person in the world that enjoys my singing!

The doctor’s office went fine. The purpose of the visit was to see if Jack is up to par for his age developmentally. He is for the most part, but as expected, he is small for his age. He’s in the 5th percentile for weight, 55th for height. This is common for children who have spent a significant time in an orphanage.

Father's Day 2007

Happy Father's Day, Erik!

Adjusting

We've finally had two jet lag-free days! Yea!! Jack is sleeping well. Two naps and through the night! We finally set up his crib yesterday and he seems to feel comfortable in his new room. The aquarium lullaby toy that ties to the side of the crib is wonderful! Jack loves it. He watches it and falls asleep. There used to be maybe 2-5 minutes of crying/whimpering when it was bedtime or nap time. Now there's none. He loves that thing!! He adjusted to having his own room wonderfully. We were expecting it to be hard for him to fall asleep alone, but he seems content as long as he has a fan. He loves a good breeze. :)

We had quite a scare yesterday. We set up his room and introduced Jack to his new crib. He sat in it for a while while we put some clothes away. Then we took him downstairs for lunch and when we went back up for his first nap time in the crib, we found out that the ceiling fixture had come smashing down on the crib and there was glass everywhere. Boy, were we lucky! We were shaken up and at the same time so happy no one was hurt.

We've started establishing our new routine now that the jet lag has worn off. Jack is such a happy, easy baby - however, because this is our first, this has still been a big adjustment - for us. It's been a good adjustment though and it's fun to see the signs of Jack bonding. He now looks for us when we leave the room and leave him with someone new for a minute, he lays his head on us and likes to be held, reaches up to be picked up by us, etc. We can really tell that he enjoys being the focus of attention. He eats up any attention either us give him. Vistors are welcome - we're just not quite ready to venture too far away from home just yet.

Also, Archie and Leroy have finally come to realize Jack is staying and are starting to at least be in the same room as him. :) Jack loves to watch the cats and if he gets to touch one of them, he thinks it's hilarious!

Jack is Home!

Trip Two Highlights! This is only the second half. I'm trying to get the part from court and Ark to load.......pictures and first half (fingers crossed) to come soon!

(Movie moved to top of sidebar)

Also, visitors are welcome if anybody wants to come and meet him!

One Full Day Home - also What Happened in Moscow

Made it through one full day. Still a little jetlagged - Jack still took two naps and we're all adjusting.

Some of you guys have asked what the heck happened in Moscow. Why couldn't we leave? We couldn't leave because Jack did not have the proper visa to allow him to travel through Dusseldorf, Germany. Dusseldorf has a small airport and no transit area. Other airports in Germany such as Munich and Frankfurt allow Russian citizens to fly through them without a visa. The adoption agency did not inform us of this rule and did not get him the proper visa. They had our flight arrangements well before we left and they said we wre fine. Dimitry said our arrangements were fine. This is why we are fighting to get the $3300 we had to spend last minute to get a second set of tickets home. There was no reason we should've needed TWO SETS of tickets for the SAME DAY to get home.

So needless to say we were a little freaked out and my phone would not work in the airport. Thank you to everyone who offered to help us and make calls for us since we only had access to email. We really appreciate that and are so glad that we are home!!

Yea!

Now this is what I call a toy!